I have dreamed of you so much

by Robert Desnos

I have dreamed of you so much that you are no longer real.
Is there still time for me to reach your breathing body, to kiss your mouth and make
your dear voice come alive again?

I have dreamed of you so much that my arms, grown used to being crossed on my
chest as I hugged your shadow, would perhaps not bend to the shape of yor body
For faced with the real form of what has haunted me and governed me for so many
days and years, I would surely become a shadow.
O scales of feeling.

I have dreamed of you so much that surely there is no more time for me to wake up.
I sleep on my feet prey to all the forms of life and love, and you, the only one who counts for me today, I can no more touch your face and lips than touch the lips and
face of some passerby.

I have dreamed of you so much, have walked so much, talked so much, slept so much
with your phantom, that perhaps the only thing left for me is to become a phantom
among phantoms, a shadow a hundred times more shadow than the shadow that
moves and goes on moving, brightly, over the sundial of your life.

Can't cry hard enough

Another special request

Months ago, my friend Cyndi emailed me asking if I could record a song she loved, just for her, because she was missing her cousin. So this is what I could come up with that night, and fortunately she liked it.

I was really touched when she chose to use that recording for a tribute video for her best friend whom she lost a few months ago... and then, she used it again, this time for a similar tribute to our Chan, something I just can't get used to yet; this was - still is - so surreal...

I have been asked about the song in the video, so I'm posting the mp3 here. (Thanks, Cyndi, for including me in your project. love you, can't wait to see you again!)

Here is the video

Love's Philosophy

By Percy Bysshe Shelley

The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single,
All things by a law divine
In one another's being mingle—
Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdain'd its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea—
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?


The very first I shared in the tunnels

I have already told you about my school contests days, and how I got to be more "familiar" than I sometimes felt comfortable with here in Paraguay. I started singing out there in late 1992 at fifteen, and by 1995 - the year I graduated - I had gotten plenty of invitations to sing at special events, tv, etc, and had met a lot of interesting people. To make a long story short, I kept singing here and there; it was amazing that people wouldn't forget me, since I didn't have any CD, any recorded material to show.

In 1998, one of our main newspapers released a CD with regional music on its anniversary, and I was invited to record a track. The project did pretty well, so the next year, 1999, they decided to release a second CD, - "Pintemos el mañana. Canciones infantiles" - this time containing children songs; and I was invited again. The producer and arranger that year was Lobito, a fabulous musician and dear friend of mine who sadly passed away in 2003. I remember he telling me: "You better say yes, because I'm saving my favorite from the CD for you."

So that's how we got to record this song, which is the spanish version of "Someday", from Disney's The hunchback of Notre Dame. At that time I was pretty happy with it, so different from my customary home recordings! If I sound a little tired (more like an old lady), it's because of the sleepless night before... hey, I was only 22 after all!

This was also the very first song I shared here in the tunnels. I'd had so much fun in my first Winterfest online (2006) that I was determined to contribute the next year. So when the time came and I got to send a couple of things and was asked for help with a couple of others, it meant so much to be able to draw out of my shell that, I sent the Candlemakers this song, not as a submission but as a thank you note... but it ended up making it to the celebration anyway! It has a beautiful message, so fitting for Below.

PS: I couldn't include Lobito's lastname because I just can't risk having my "secret identity" discovered via some google search, you know... Oh, and I'll try to scan that CD cover.