Close to you

My first con!

This clip comes from what has to be one of the most wonderful experiences of my life so far: that week in NJ/NYC last July. I could just talk forever about it! But don't worry... I'm going straight to friday night and the song.

Earlier friday morning, when Rosemarie asked me if I was going to sing that evening at the talent show, I said of course I would. But later as I was getting my dress ready, I realised I forgot to pack the CD containing the couple of background tracks for the songs I wanted to sing! That was so disappointing, I was really looking forward to it.

I should have known I could count on Amber's excess of energy and excitement: as it happened, she had brought two or three songs for me too, just in case! I can't even remember how we picked Close to you... maybe because it was the only one from her selection I had tried before, and since I wasn't planning to waste precious time with my friends in rehearsals, I just went with what was familiar.

It's funny how so many things can flash through your mind in a very little time, and yet, you can make perfect sense of them all. That's what happened as the music started: I thought of Je, broadcasting for Lynn and I from LA the previous year and telling me they had played the video with my song... And Chan, saying they had even have a guy in the roof trying to get the internet connection to work in the conference room so I could hear... Well, I thought of how all of that had seemed so far away, so to speak, and yet here I was now. Anyway, you would have thought after so many performances I'd be calmer, less nervous, but I was a mess! It was so good to realise everyone seemed to really like it!

Well, I got to check the lists' messages next wednesday, while Amber and I stayed at Zanna's house in Baltimore (on our way to VA). I just couldn't believe it when I found JE's first uploaded con video was this one, I didn't know she'd made it! (Here's the mp3 version). I suppose it's only too appropriate that she and Amber, of all people, would help me build and keep this bit of memory this close. But again... that's another story!

Love, Undisguised

My first song

I've been asked about this song so many times... the first one I ever wrote.

When I attended my first Winterfest Online in 2006, I was amazed at the flow of talent from so many... That year I didn't interact with anybody; I didn't know how, and the little I knew seemed intimidating enough to keep this shy introvert away for a while longer. (What? You don't believe it?)

When WFOL was over, I joined some of the lists and made myself "visible", but I still kept my distance somehow. When I saw the first candle for WFOL 2007, I wanted to be part of it, to feel more on the inside.

I had been having an idea for a song, but the more I worked on it, the more elusive it became, until finally I gave up: It was no use to force the muse to go where she didn't want to go.

And then one night, I kept replaying that scene... I herd that music box in my head... I imagined Vincent and Catherine dancing to it, and wondered what that moment must have been like for them... and the words just came to me out of nowhere! I grabbed my guitar and sat at the computer, and in the next hour or so the song was mostly ready.

However, I want to scream every time I listen to it! I had very little experience recording on the computer, and since there were not many programs that would be user-friendly to my screan reader (that has changed, thanks heavens), I had to stick with Window's sound recorder. What a nightmare! It took more time to record the thing than to compose it! Add to it that it was the middle of the night and everyone was sleeping, so I had to keep my voice to a reasonable volume. As a result, we get an emotionless performance, (not to mention some bits of my english still make me growl).

Anyway, I sent it to the Wintercandlemakers that night as soon as it was finished, but after hitting the Send button I started to pannic! You absolutely can't imagine what their letter of encouragement ment, least of all my shock at Chan's request that it be used for a "special project".

One note about the title: I am terrible with titles! At the last minute I decided to just save the file as "Undisguised", but then Chan started refering to it as "Love, undisguised", which I didn't bother to correct because I loved it.

You can listen to the song here, or better stil, you may want to enjoy dear Tunnelmom doing her magic watching the beautiful video here. The lyrics are included in the page. Enjoy!

Update: Finally! Two years (and much more experience) later, I re-recorded the song! And our amazing TM fixed the video with the new track. I'm excited! Now it doesn't make me cringe so much, and it's not that emotionless.